Desolation

It have been months not writing in my blog, nor reading any posts of any of my blogger friends. But regularly keeping a track of my ever dropping page views that keeps reminding me that I have to act, else my blog is going to be a thing of yore.

Everyday I sit on my computer and think that I am definitely going to write something today. The moment I open my page, something stops me. I don't know what. But, today I have decided not to sleep without posting something in my blog.

But, what am I going to write and why will people read what I will write after I suddenly vanished without informing anybody. Than, I thought that I should not hide my feelings and open up. I must share what kept me away from the blogging world for so long. Than again, what will happen to my belief :

"There is no market for emotions. So never advertise your feelings."

But today I went through a quote by one of my cousins, who lot his father recently. He wrote :

"Once you realise you're not the only one going through this, then you will remember to stay strong".

Reading this I felt, yes! what has happened to me is not unusual. Lots of people are there who have gone through this phase and that I should also move on. But again it is very difficult when the sufferer is your own little sister.

My little sister, the youngest among the siblings, married for only six years lost her husband on the 2nd of August 2013. My sister who always wished to lead a happy married life, lost her love of life. She had no big ambitions in life and was very happy in her cozy atmosphere. But as people say that God has his own plans for everybody. He might have planned something else for her. Whatever it may be but He did the most cruelest thing to take away the father of a five year old boy and leave my sister alone.

So many months have passed but still I am not able to accept what has happened. Every now and than remembering her fate and also the very thought of my brother-in-law not being among us makes me hollow from inside. I don't know why it pains so much. Is it because, as one of my friends say that younger siblings are always like kids and we so are hurt more.

May be my friend is right or it might be that my sister is bold enough to move on with her life leaving behind all the odds. She has started teaching in a school, doing house hold chores, take good care of her son by sending him to a good school and all those extra curricular activities like tycondo class, drawing class etc. Mom says that she is damn busy now and also she is managing everything very efficiently. Now, she no more has frequent head aches and she no more looks dull. She looks fresh and full of confidence.

It was I who was holding myself back. I was not able to come out of it. I was not keeping well. Something was eating me from inside. I was not able to talk about it freely to anybody, not even my husband who was well aware of my feelings and who did every possible things to keep me happy. He allowed me to be with my sister during my daughter's vacations even knowing that it was the only chance of us meeting and nursing his ailing mother who also left us on the 5th of November.

Today while I started writing I did not know what I was going to write but than it just went on and believe me while writing I was crying but now as if after sharing everything to you all I feel relieved. I don't know why I did not do it before. May be I am a person who fear showing emotions or maybe I am comfortable silently scribbling my emotions than giving it voice. But at the end I feel relieved!!!

From all this what I have understood or rather learnt is that life does not stop for anybody, it goes on and me too swearing to myself to move on and stay strong, keeping in mind that I am not the only person going through this. 

But moving on surely does not mean forgetting everything. You will always be loved and missed for what you were. Rest In Peace Sanjuda.


Comments

  1. You have said it! You have to move on, you have to continue to live! But with a dent, life wont be whole again. Accepting it will give you power to stay afloat.

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    1. Thanks Rajrupa..you were right that with a dent life won't be same again but it has to go on..

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  2. a piece that came up from the bottom of the heart. sometime we must free up our emotions through writings since once we start writing we wind up things in hundred/thousand words. and it gives ultimate peace that you and I and everybody yearn.

    with respect to the quote: "There is no market for emotions. So never advertise your feelings."

    Emotions like fear, love, happiness, hatred are vehicles to capture market. Don't worry about all these, write what you wish to write. with time, you will see change in you, and there is a market. Just concentrate and be focussed.

    name withheld. hahhahha

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    1. Thanks friend..though you preferred to withheld your identity yet I feel you are a well wisher..thanks for your encouraging words..

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  3. "There is no market for emotions. So never advertise your feelings."

    I got your emotions behind the words sister. May in a market where there are no buyers it holds true. But letting out emotions is a good thing and a honest thing to do for oneself. World knows us as what we are, no room for wrong perceptions. Second we get the relief from our pains, in some way it will happen.

    Expression mollifies soul. That's good. She's giving her fight back and things will fall in place. May not replace few things but life will get beautiful again for her via her kid. Believe and Hope, Be with her and give her more reasons to smile.

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    1. Thanks Propelsteps..I want to believe what you said that life will get beautiful again for her via her kid..thanks once again for your beautiful words..

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  4. Heartfelt condolences to you and all bereaved. Sending good thoughts to help you all cope with the tragic loss.
    It is said that sharing joy doubles it and sharing grief halves it hence glad that you shared your grief to lighten your heart and mind.

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    1. Thanks Deepak..appreciate your concern..yes sharing indeed lessened my pain..

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  5. Ranita. Now I know what caused your absence and sincerely hope that your pain is lessening. I believe that sharing helps, be it by talking or writing.
    My condolences to you and your sister for the loss of a family member.

    Isn't it strange that we don't know what to write about until we type those first few words. Sending hugs (((Ranita)))

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    1. Thanks Valerie for your warm hugs..was badly in need of those..
      I too find it really strange..:)

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  6. Have faith in the magic of life, Ranita. Life with all its sorrows can be beautiful as well. Sometimes a bit of patience is the key. I know what I say are things that are easier said than done... but still... have faith..

    Sending peaceful thoughts to you and your family. Keep writing and take care.

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    1. Thanks Arti..hope so that life will once again be beautiful for her..

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  7. I am so sorry you have all been through such a sad time Ranita. I am glad you have been able to write this down, because as Valerie said in her comment, and I know this from my own experiences in life, sharing does help heal us. May your days become brighter as each one ends. And I also wish you peace.

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    1. Thanks Denise for your sincere wishes..really sharing helps heal our sorrows a lot..as Valeri rightly said I needed to type the first few words and rest followed..

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  8. Very sorry to hear the sad news. My heartfelt condolences. It is easy to say “move on” if it happens to someone else. If it happens to us, it is difficult to “move on”. Since you have let out your emotions, I am sure you will start to feel better. May God give you enough strength.

    Sorry about your mother in law too. May she rest in peace.

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    1. Thanks SG..May be I am learning to move on..yes, I too felt that its easy to say to move on to others and if it happens to us it is very difficult..

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  9. Condolences. You need some time to grieve, but eventually life must go on.

    CRD
    www.scriptedinsanity.blogspot.in

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    1. Yes CRD nothing stops life from moving on..it has to go on..

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  10. I am speechless but wish you a happy life ahead.

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    1. Thanks Akanksha for your best wishes..

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  11. Oh my goodness... I'm so very sorry, Ranita. This is awful, but I agree that you do have to carry on. It doesn't help anyone or yourself to stay locked in sadness. Sharing your pain with everyone is surely a way to help deal with the pain. We're all sending you our love and condolences at this difficult time.

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  12. Thanks Kay for your lovely words..Yes, I have to carry on and I think I have started accepting and trying to carry on with life..

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  13. Welcome back.... :)
    Feeling very sorry for your losses... am happy that your sister accepting God's wish took a step forward to move on in life. It is really tough!
    The pain of losing people in life is hard but we all are bound to abide the nature's rule.
    May their souls rest in peace.

    My best wishes to you and family. Stay strong dear.

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  14. You are right, for our younger siblings we have motherly instincts. Sorry to hear about your sister's loss. Strength to you, her and your family. :'(

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  15. Goodness ..!!! Sorry to know about the sad demise of your bro in law. What a terrible nrws. Now I know what kept you away from writing. You were sorely missed...
    Life is such and we need to move on. Be strong and keep writing. You know that writing is therapeutic...
    My heartfelt condolences to you, your sister and your family. Take care. *hugs*

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